The most common mistake is going too fast. When we go fast, we cause our man’s body to become tense. This tenseness creates stress in her body, and he will not be able to fully present with you and follow your movement. This often leads someone up into their head, something which we want to avoid.
Be present in your hands:
Develop sensitivity in your hands. Feel the texture of the skin and also what is underneath the skin. You are searching for these tight muscle fibres in the body. Start feeling into the body and get a sense where you are on the pain scale, while you also watching her body language, breath and sounds.
If you are losing your presence:
Take a break, and relax. It is better to take a moment in your own presence than it is to overstep your own capacity to be with the situation. A man who steps beyond his own boundaries here will tend to do the same in other ways with his relationships.
Every person is unique:
Different body, different sensations, and different trigger points. Be attentive to possible trigger points and the techniques I am sharing, but give yourself permission to experiment. Every person is unique and even every day is unique, that is why presence, asking and going slow is so important.
Reading the persons pattern and body:
Is he contracting or relaxing?
If he is contracting, then lessen your intensity. I
f he is not relaxing, then ask him to breath or breathe with him.
Are there any parts of her body that is holding?
Watch her body for subtle small changes in the skin, temperature and hardness.
Constantly be aware of his breath:
Is he breathing? If not, then it is helpful for you to gently remind him.
If he is still not breathing even after you have reminded her a number of times, then just start to breathe audibly deeper, he will typically begin to breathe along with you.
When he stops breathing there is a great chance that he is thinking about something.
Prepare your man:
Let her know before the session that his job is to simply be present with his breath and to feel the sensations that arise through your physical touch. Ask him to breathe deep, and that deep breathing is crucial so stress hormones in the body can be released.
Being aware of your touch
The receiver job is to breathe and be present in your touch. So, you are meeting each other. The giver gives his full presence and the receiver is being fully present in the touches.
Be aware, if the receiver is closing down, stop to breath and just become silent.
Stop your touching. Ask him to breathe.
Use some gentle touch. If that doesn’t help you can also ask him how he is doing.
Be aware that there might activate some emotional release.
Be very gentle and loving.
Just be there with him. Love him.
Sometimes you can ask him if he wants a hug.
Just breathe together. Be together. And relax.
Don’t start the trigger-point massage before you ask if he is ready for more.
Always remember the consent in what you are doing.
You can also hold him more like a little child.
Being a present father/masculine person that can hold him, take care of him.
Say how beautiful he is. Say that he can be safe with you.
You are here to take care of him and love him.
Allow whatever to come up to be totally ok.
It will release by itself if you just allow him to empty what is there. If it is too much just hold him on the heart and stop triggering anything else.
Continue to breathe through it and relax, comforting him.
Tell him what you are going to do or what you are doing:
That creates more safety. “Now I will start with some trigger points….” and speak to him,
“Are you ready for some trigger point massage?“ “How are you doing?” Keep communicating throughout the trigger-point massage.
It is better to communicate too much than too little.
Ask for feedback after the massage: This will help her integrate as well as give you clues as to how you could help her go deeper next time.
“What was good?” “What could have been better.” “Did he feel you were present?”
We have learned the basic principles. Let's have look how a session can look like.